Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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