My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
