I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
