He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize