yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
