I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Barsexuality is the new black.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
