Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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