You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
