I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
