the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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