that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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