Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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