Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
