"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
