I need to stop coming to work sober
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
