on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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