Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
