I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
