Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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