sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
