but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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