Are we in a gay sports bar?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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