Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
