this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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