ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
