the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
