So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
