Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
