apparently the secret to your success is patron
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
