I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
