thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
