Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
