Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
