Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
