It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
