only if we run a train.
done.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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