So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
