Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
