Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
