last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
