Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
