I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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