Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
