I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
