Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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