I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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