I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
