saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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