there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
