what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
