Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
