I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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