if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
