your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
