Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
